Amelia stands out from the line
Those new to writing will often fall in love with words and become over-enthusiastic in their application. However, overly verbose writing negates the impact. Use adjectives but go easy, less is more.
An example of an adjective/adverb heavy sentence:
‘A dark grey, crinkled brow of solemn cloud crept sluggishly over the majestic hills that were patchily bruised with a blackish purple moss and randomly spiked with prickly yellow furze.’
There is too much going on in this sentence, far too much colour. Each individual image is in competition for the reader’s attention. The result is a confusing clash. Think about what is necessary here. Everyone knows furze is yellow and prickly. Do you need to inform the reader of these facts? “Majestic” doesn’t really do anything here – except communicate that the hill is big, which one would assume. Edit that sentence down.
‘A cloud slugged over the hills,’ has far more impact.
A note on adverbs:
Adverbs have a bad reputation in the literary world. Many writers avoid them completely (there’s one right there). I would suggest you use them with caution and very, very sparingly (see, another one) and never, ever with speech attribution (“she said nervously”). Adverbs like “suddenly” or “immediately” are thought of as cliché traffic lights. If something happens unexpectedly in a story, you don’t need to “flag it” to make the reader aware that this was a “sudden” action – it should be obvious. “A bomb exploded” is more striking than “Suddenly, a bomb exploded”.
Over reliance on adjectives and adverbs is a typical, and some would say necessary, phase for those beginning their writing journey. So, don’t worry if you recognize your own writing here. As “mistakes” go, the over use of adjectives and adverbs is a useful one, as it serves to build your vocabulary. All good writers should have this phase. Just keep calm, carry on, edit down the adjectives and remove the adverbs – and you’re on your way.
About suehealy
From Ireland, Sue Healy is Literary Manager at the Finborough Theatre, London, a full-time Senior Lecturer and Programme Leader in Creative Writing at the University of Lincoln. "70 Years At The Court" is her upcoming book, due to be published in 2026 by Methuen Drama, which she is co-writing with Prof. Harriet Devine. Her previous book "The Literary Manager's Toolkit" is on theatre literary management is published by Routledge (2023).
Sue is an award-winning writer for stage, TV, and prose writer.
TV
Her current project, a 6x60minute TV series, is under option. She is under commission with Lone Wolf Media, producers behind PBS’ “Mercy Street”, to co-write the pilot and treatment for a six-part TV series.
Stage
Her most recent stage-play, Imaginationship (2018), enjoyed a sold out, extended run at the Finborough and later showed at the Stephen Joseph Theatre in Scarborough. Her previous stage productions include Cow (Etcetera Theatre, 2017) and Brazen (King’s Head Theatre, 2016), funded by Arts Council England. Sue’s short plays have been performed at the Criterion (Criterion New Writing Showcase), Arcola (The Miniaturists) and Hackney Attic (Fizzy Sherbet Shorts).
Radio
Her radio work includes nine plays broadcast on BBC Radio 4 (Opening Lines winner), WLRfm and KCLR96fm.
Prose
Sue has won The Molly Keane Award, HISSAC Prize, Escalator Award, Meridian Prize and has been published in nine literary journals and anthologies including: The Moth, Flight, Tainted Innocence, New Writer, Duality, HISSAC, New European Writers. She has been writer-in-residence on Inis Oírr, Aran Islands, and at the Heinrich Boll Cottage on Achill Island. She has also benefitted from annual artist residencies at the Tyrone Guthrie Centre, and at Ginestrelle, Assisi in Italy.
An academic with a PhD in modern theatre history, specifically the Royal Court Theatre, Sue has presented her research internationally. She spent eleven years in Budapest, editing Hungary A.M. She has a PhD in modern theatre history (Royal Court Theatre) and is a UEA Creative Writing MA alumna.
View all posts by suehealy
suehealy 
April 3rd, 2012 at 10:30
Great post Sue…as I’m reading it I’m going, oh dear, yep, yep, that me lol *blush*
Xx
April 3rd, 2012 at 11:22
Oh yes, I’ve caught myself looking at sentences and thinking, “I don’t need to tell my readers the mountain is huge. It’s a mountain. Of course it’s huge!” Once you start noticing things like that, they’re much easier to spot and destroy. Excellent post.
April 3rd, 2012 at 11:36
Uh oh! That’s me. Events in my writing frequently happen ‘suddenly’ and ‘all at once’. Red pencil time!
April 3rd, 2012 at 12:54
Amen! Chagrined and blushing.
April 3rd, 2012 at 13:43
I can dig it!
April 3rd, 2012 at 14:39
Your example, “A dark grey…” makes my hair hurt. It is odd now to remember all the flowery examples our English teachers suggested were WRONG. Good post!
April 4th, 2012 at 01:43
I will admit there are times when I’m a little heavy handed with the descriptors. I’m getting better. I think. I hope. We’ll see, I guess. I really enjoyed your post.
April 6th, 2012 at 14:28
Thanks for the reminder, Sue. I’ll slay the adverbs more often now.
April 10th, 2012 at 01:54
Great tips reminds me of middle school when we were learning adjectives and adverbs. Thanks!
April 20th, 2012 at 05:57
By the way, I updated my latest post, here is the new link: http://eof737.wordpress.com/2012/04/18/memories-of-moments-in-bliss/ TY! 🙂
May 12th, 2012 at 05:06
Now this is really where I have to knuckle down – I just love to paint pictures, layering the words on like a painter with his oils. Sometimes I can’t tell whether they’re adjectives or adverbs, sometimes I I like to make them into nouns or verbs. Oh dear. Ma always said I use too many words … Thanks for the lesson;)
April 26th, 2017 at 02:12
[…] via Make your lines stand out — suehealy […]